It's a sad time for free spirited hipsters the world over (but especially Brooklyn) - the new stronger Sparks Red was banned! It was deemed too dangerous by the attorney general. The new Sparks was a direct assault against it's biggest competition, cocaine. Not the energy drink but the actual drug from South America. Hipsters looking to kick their blow habit will need to look elsewhere for the time being. Same goes for your dreams of red "Sparks tongue". Wait, does the government know that you can just buy an energy drink and dump Everclear in it? No? OK. In related news Tuesdays continue to be the new Thursday but Wednesday is creeping up.
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